Lost

Hello! I have decided that I am not going to go to MSU-Mankato this fall. I decided that I don't really feel drawn to teaching or writing either so I am not going to waste any more money going to school until I know what I actually want to do with my life. I know you all think I am nuts! I just haven't ever really known what kind of job would be the right one for me. I don't want to sit in an office all day I know that for sure! I think the problem is I have always known I wanted to be a stay at home mom until all of my kids are in school and that is as far as I have ever planned my life, seriously anyways! Even when I was at WSU I said that to people, that I didn't want to work when I have kids. That is how I was raised, well only until I was 5 but Cassie and Amy had Mom home much longer. But by then I went to school, when I got home mom was there, that is how I want to be. Once they are in school and older I would like to work, I just don't know doing what! But since I have no kids and won't for awhile I am stuck. I just don't know what to do. Nothing appeals to me and I don't want to dread going to work every day.
I have also decided that I don't like living here. I like our apartment and everything but it just doesn't feel right. I think I would have to say I like Winona better. Yes I know I complained for four years how much I hated it there, but when I compare it to living here, I think I like it there better. I thought that I wanted to live really close to family all the time but now that I do, I realize that I don't really mind being farther away! Don't get me wrong, I love hanging out with my family and I do it all the time. But now I kind of feel like I am under a microscope, everything I do, or don't do, is always being watched. I also like being able to go to the store and not having to worry that I might see someone I know when I don't look nice. In Winona I didn't know anyone so I never had to worry about that :) So I think I will stick out for a year here and then maybe, just maybe, I will give in to Jese and move a little closer to the cities, even though I still don't like the sounds of it! If we can find a place that has privacy then I would be okay with it. I don't want to live right on top of someone like we do now, but I don't want to drive 15 minutes to get groceries, like we do right now. I don't know, maybe I will never be happy with where I am at, I will work on it though!
I am still on the job search, so far not so good. The unemployment rate in Minnesota has gone even higher, which is bad news for me because that means more competition. When I find a job I will let everyone know right away so every time I talk to you, you don't need to ask me about it, it gets annoying and depressing every time I have to say, nope nothing yet! I guess that is all my whining for today! Oh yes, I would appreciate it if when you talk to me you don't make a joke out of this, that happens a lot, sometimes I do like to be taken seriously.

On to today...Today I went grocery shopping, poor Jese had to listen to the dog whine while I was gone, he was trying to sleep!! So far it sounds like his job is going good, he drank a little to much caffeine last night though and got a stomach ache, silly boy!! Right now I am sitting in the porch watching Pizza, she is outside, her and Kipper keep taking turns going out. She thinks every time Kipper goes out she should be able to go out also! I am also baking Jese one of the apple pies that we had frozen, it has been in for one hour so far! He won't be up for another 5 hours!! I don't like it when he is home but sleeping because I just want to go wake him up and talk to him!! Okay well Pizza just got stuck on a tree so I have to go help her! Have a nice day!!

Christa
Oh yes, I love this weather, I wish it would stay like this until Christmas, no more hot days, yuck!!